Saw dad today. He was able to grab my hand and look at me in the eyes. There was so much in those eyes. I’m not sure if it was pleading, or comfort, or pain, Whatever it was hit me to my core. He looked at me and just squeezed my hand. About a hundred times he squeezed.
I tried not to cry but I was teary. As I fought it he squeezed me harder. Like trying to give me comfort when he’s fighting for his life. I saw tears seep from his eyes. I wanted to wipe away but he has medicine on his eyes.
I stepped away for a moment and he reached back out with his empty hand, He could see and hear us. His breathing became fast when he saw us. Like he was excited. I want to take those sad eyes I saw tonight and see the light that that is my dad. Not his sadness and pain and FEAR.
I am trying to be the fighter and warrior that he has taught me to be, but I’, freaked out and this is hard. So tonight I will cry and tomorrow I cinch them back up.
The Cancer Chronicles 