Rough Night

Tonight is rough. My heart hurts. I keep picturing my dad. His laugh His smile. His face. I am picturing him no longer in  my life.

 

I KNOW HE’S SILL HERE! But I keep imagining what it would be like without him in  my life.

 

I don’t have enough pictures. I don’t have video of him talking so I can remember his voice.

 

I like to think I’m strong but I’m not so much. Not right now. Facing the the possible death of a parent is something we all go through. But FUCK! THAT’S MY DAD!

 

I know most people eventually go through it. I’m not ready! Can’t you understand that? GOD! ARE YOU LISTENING? I don’t know when a good time would be. Can’t you just let him fade away gently? Why this? Why can’t he live for fucking ever!

 

Life isn’t fair.I don’t want this pain. I don’t want it for him . I don’t want it for my mom or family. I can barely see through the tears right now. How will any of us function through this? This is only day 6. Maybe you start getting numb. I hope we all go numb. Dad, us, everyone. I can’t even imagine the fear my dad must have.

 

Wherever you will go. Your battle is my battle!